if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
