I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize