Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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