u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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