how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
