i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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