Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
