oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
