so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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