Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
