I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
