the condom got lost in my hair
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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