Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
