Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize