His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
COCAINE IS GR8
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Please don't give away my fajitas
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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