on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
