You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
