he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
