She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
