Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize