i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
