My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
