Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
