im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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