pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
