no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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