i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
