do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
