a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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