Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
