I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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