You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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