**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
wanna go halves on a baby?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
