My friends, they love my intelligence
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
