I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize