i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
