Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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