I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
