My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
