grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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