tell your sister to shave her snatch
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
