I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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