I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize