i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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