smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
