I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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