I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize