worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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