if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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