i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
