It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
