I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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