you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
and you fell through a lawn chair
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize