i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
