i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
