Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
