what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
