he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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