I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
