I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
