Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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