I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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