Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
