Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
