Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
