My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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