I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
