theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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